Lost puppy

December 2009: GRADUATED.
March 2010: HIRED. 

I was a staff writer in the entertainment section.  I was thrilled and terrified, but I paid very close attention to the content of the paper and I reminded myself that they would not have hired me if they didn’t think I could do the job.  After all, if I had any questions, all I had to do was ask.

Perhaps one of the biggest obstacles at first was my relationship with the other writers.  There was no room for me in the editorial department, so I was placed in a cubicle on the sales floor.  I assumed that as in any other workplace, it was important that I bond with those around me; so I bonded with the sales reps. 

Meanwhile, when I made an effort to get to know the other writers, I was received with indifference, and quite frankly, it pissed me off.  I was 23 and had plenty of  growing up to do (still do…), so I took it personally.  Looking back, my odd quirkiness may have come off as pretty obnoxious; though I was sincere underneath, I’m sure they felt I was full of myself when I’d waltz into their offices and try to joke with them.  In my mind, we were already friends, because we all had the same exciting job at the same paper.  Another naïve quality of my 23-year-old self.  Their aloofness toward the new writer appalled me; I assumed that as writers, we worked together for a common cause: to put out one heck of a good newspaper. After all, it’s no secret that print media is not exactly a booming industry anymore, and for all of us to have this job, I expected more enthusiasm and camaraderie.  I expected a real team.  Instead, I found disgruntled, standoffish reporters who acknowledged me once a week, and that was on deadline day when we swapped pages to proof.

Still, it was important to me that I break through and bond with these people.  I would overhear them laughing and cutting up, and it made me sad; I’m funny.  I thought they were funny.  I thought they were smart, I thought their stories were interesting, and I really wanted their guidance.  So I kept at it.  And somehow, I got through, and I made some friends.  But to my dismay, there were no mentors among my friends.

We were on our own.  Unless some real stuff was going down, we were expected to be our own boss.

…I was a terrible boss.